NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize