Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
