Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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