dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
