So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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