I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
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