there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
