fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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