turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
