so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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