its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
