Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
