just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
