I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
