If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
