Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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