I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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