Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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