we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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