So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
