SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
