addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
