you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
