I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
