haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
