HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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