dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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