What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
