i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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