so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
