i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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