I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
