The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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