You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
