the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
