I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
