my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
