are you still at the devil's house?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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