i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
