i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
