You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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