Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
