Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
