dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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