True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
