i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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