i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
