if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
