She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
