Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
