you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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