You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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