Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
