She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
