I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
