so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
