When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
