There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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