Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
