not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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