I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
