covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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