We're like a lot better than the average bears
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
