did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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