So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
