Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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