Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
