Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
