??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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