I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
