An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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