I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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