people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
