btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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