I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
