i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
