Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
