Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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