just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
