8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
